An open letter to Mental Health

Dear Mental Health,

I would like to begin this open letter by telling you how much I sincerely mean it when I say – fuck you!

You have had a heavy influence on my life for over a decade now, but for the past two years I am beginning to believe that I am nearly rid of you for good.

I was never taught about you while I was growing up, so I never expected you to turn up the way you did. In fact, I didn’t even know what or who you were for a very long time. I will be honest and say I was pretty intimidated by you at first, but not anymore. When someone is backed into a corner they only have two options: they could stand still and have you domineering their every choice or move in life. Or they can push back as much as they could and get themselves out. You affected me to the point where you meddled with my life and my everyday choices. At 18, deep down, I felt college or academia was not for me at that time, I still wasted four years of my life easily avoiding that realisation as I was preoccupied with you.

Prior to your unwanted entry into my life, I had been very confident. Throughout my life, even when faced with the hardships of growing up and even being bullied at a young age, I still took them on and in my mind I was victorious! You introduced complete self-doubt into my life, without my permission. With the introduction of this unwanted trait, I was able to appear confident in myself and all my decisions without actually feeling it. I had absolutely no control over a lot of things and situations faced in my life, but more importantly I wasn’t able to be the old me who I fondly remembered. I could appear completely content and happy, while on the inside I was very distraught and worried about basically everything in the world. The complexity of the situation meant that it was very hard to share what I really thought about myself to anyone, my family or close friends who I thought would only be worried if they knew. In addition to my own fears and anxiety, I grew fearful of burdening anybody close to me and extremely anxious at the thought of eventually discussing the topic of my everyday struggle.

I knew from day one that you wouldn’t be of the end of my existence.

This didn’t necessarily mean that dark ideas did not cross my head. In my lowest hour and during my ever grey and negative thoughts or doubts about myself, I would occasionally wonder was I just a nuisance to the world and those who loved me. I am both extremely angry and worried about the people who may feel so low there is no end to their dark thoughts and the problems you bring upon them and you manipulate them to take their own lives – lives which appeared unfix-able but could very well be fixed, with the help of others.

It’s beginning to seem that you haven’t just invaded my life, as a lot of other people are beginning to speak out about all the terrible things you are capable of and rightly so. You deserve it! You have intimidated almost every person in this country to the point where it is not discussed and where ignoring it seems to be the accepted way to deal with it. You have taken hope away too often. We live in a world where even our own politicians never think of invading and combating everything you stand for as their prime policy when preparing for an election. Though perhaps you have invaded and affected their lives to the point of ignoring you too, that is what we are taught after all.

I count myself very lucky. Others are less fortunate. As I write this letter I can once again hear that ever present helicopter which appears to be permanently hovering above the river.

I swear from this moment until I take my last gasp of air in this world, I will do anything I can help tackle your presence in society, and uncover what is constantly being ignored and never addressed. You see, there was a time where you had me thinking that I had no future, that I was destined for nothing. That has changed. No matter how many times you have tried to take away my confidence and self-belief, you won’t be able to anymore.

On the other hand, I would also like to thank you for helping me realise who I was and how strong I really am. Here is to knowing I will never let you invade my life for the rest of my time on this planet. There will always be negative thoughts that try to take over you’re every move. But I have realised that by hitting back with positive thoughts, as hard as they may be to do, it succeeds.

So farewell to you, forever.

From,

Me

10 Questions : Karl Spain

Karl Spain has been making the people of Ireland laugh out loud for almost two decades now. Best known for his TV show Karl Spain Wants A Woman, the Limerick native has also appeared on numerous TV shows such as Killanaskully, The Panel and many more. His success is not limited to Ireland alone and Karl has brought much laughter a lot further a field. He has taken part in Montreal's  Just for Laughs - which provides a platform for popular stand-up comics. He has also toured with British comedian Kevin Bridges and fellow countryman Ed Byrne as well as doing his own shows in America, Australia and South Africa to name but a few. Perhaps not so well known is that Karl is also a writer of comic material and has contributed to shows such as The Republic of Telly. I was lucky enough to chat to Karl recently and got to know a little bit about what makes him tick.

Can you remember the moment you decided to pursue comedy as a career?

The moment I decided to do comedy was while watching Billy Connolly on stage in the Theatre Royal in Limerick. It was 1991 I think and I had been interested in comedy but this had opened my mind to it. I had no idea how you even started or where you went about it. Which explains why it took me nine years to eventually step on a stage.

If you weren't a comedian, what do you think you would be?

If I wasn't a comedian I'd be frustrated. I remember there being a change in me once I began gigging. I stopped being so full on when I was out for a night and I realize now that I was just a frustrated performer needing attention. I'd like to think I would be an author or a journalist, but I probably would be in a job I hate.

Where you the class clown in school or a goody-two-shoes?

I wasn't really the class clown. I had a few moments alright but I was quite shy when I was younger. I did make the teachers laugh as well which helps, otherwise you're just annoying. Lesson one - know your audience.

Who was your biggest inspiration growing up?

Comedy wise it was Billy Connolly (as mentioned earlier) but also the late Sean Hughes. I saw Sean a few times and his material resonated with me from day one. I actually got to know Sean years later and him saying he liked my material meant so much to me. He was so much fun to hang out with.

Out of all the TV shows you have appeared on what was your personal favourite or most memorable?

Well of all the TV things I've done it has got to be Karl Spain Wants A Woman because that is where I met my partner, Rachel. We're still together nearly thirteen years later. But most TV is fun especially if it's live. I made Lucy Kennedy lose it on-air one evening on the Six O'Clock Show. She still brings it up when I meet her. It was naughty. I can't explain here.

What is the funniest thing that has happened to you recently?

Funny things don't happen as such but I do amuse myself as I go about my day. Yesterday, I was in Brown Thomas and as I walked through the ladies clothes department I said to one of the staff that ye have nothing in my size. She said "I bet we do" and suggested the lingerie section. As I write this she may have been slagging me for having boobs...damn.

Where is your favourite place to eat in Limerick?

I have a few regular haunts in Limerick, Jack Mondays and the Curragower are both near my house. Javinos on the Ennis Road. I really like the Green Yard Café, but my new favourite is the Green Onion Café. Such nice, great food- I just wish it was open seven days.

If you were stranded on a desert island what three items would you bring?

If I was stranded, once I had easy food and shelter I could survive but maybe I'd just need other people. People who could hunt and cook. Other than that the internet - an iPad mini and some sunscreen.

What advice would you give someone who was thinking of becoming a comedian?

For any new comedian and I've said this to a lot of new comedians, write about who you are and what is unique to you. Any major comedy target like Trump, Ryanair, Men vs Women have already been tackled by better comedians, but no one has done material about your life. This advice is good unless it's Donald Trump who is thinking of doing stand-up then it falls flat but I have other advice for him... 

When you're not busy making people laugh, what does Karl like to get up to?

When I'm not making people laugh, I'm asleep! I like to travel. I'm going to Azerbaijan next month to do some shows and that is, for me, the best thing about my 'job'. I get paid to go places I don't think I would have gone otherwise. When you gig abroad there are still lots of people from English-speaking countries but you'll get people from all over the world and to make a room of people from every corner of the world laugh - that's a great buzz.